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STARTHROWERS

by Shannon Hawley

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1.
Our History 04:49
I want to know what this patch of grass was. I wanna know what this patch of grass was Before the fertilizer fell Your plump fingers tug at the roots You splash the puddles with your mud boots In the heaves, the winter left behind Maybe you’ll be afraid You won’t know why Of sirens singing in the streets Those ladders coiled in your sweet body They hold the secrets, spin the stories Of how our history was made I wanna know what this gasoline was I wanna know what this gasoline was When it lived at the bottom of the sea With windows down we ride to the beach Saltwater licks and kisses bare feet In the waves that traveled a million miles just to crash Maybe you’ll feel something You won’t know why A certain longing for the deep Those ladders coiled in your sweet body They hold the secrets, spin the stories Of how our history is made There’s a woman that you never met She’s tucked down deep inside your bones They break down and then they build again Climb the ladder that your body knows Now the sirens calling from the deep And the ambulances on the street And the street laid on the ground for you And the ball of fire underneath We’re always living with the dead, ya know We’re always living with the dead you know
2.
Mercy 04:31
Mercy Before I died too young My heart was aching For all the women My knees were shaking Before they buckled I was starving Trying to lose that baby weight Oh come here darlin Before I was a mother I was just a girl Just doing my figuring Figuring how to fit into this swirl That was not the way To stay forever young But that is what they taught me Now the damage it is done I could use some mercy on my soul tonight Gotta leave these children Gotta leave them both behind By the grace, oh by the grace I am listening You are not alone Can you hear me singing? Before I died too young My fists were swinging So angry and undone My wounds were stinging Before I got em I knew how to cry, I knew how to love I didn’t want to die young Before I was a father I was just a boy a boy who loved his mother A boy who loved the world I wanted to stay, to stay forever young Was never meant to happen Now the damage it is done I could use some mercy on my soul tonight Gotta leave these children Gotta leave them all behind By the grace, oh by the grace I am listening You are not alone Can you hear me singing Remember who you are You’re more than your scars Remember who you are Before you die to And stay forever young I could use some mercy on my soul tonight I could use some mercy tonight Gotta leave them all behind By the grace, oh by the grace I am listening You are not alone Can you hear me singing
3.
Your adventures in the black forest is where you begin, you buried your lover’s name on paper in the ground. A secret the cold earth would hold for you, to keep it so safe and so very sound. Now your hiding human secrets behind black curtains in your living room. All the shelves in town are bare, it’s the coldest winter, War’s declared. Little boy with a rucksack, before he was gone he was there. But the night the lights go on in Holland dear, will be the night the light shines on us all, on us all. The night the lights go on in Holland dear, reminds that even tyrants rule then they fall, they fall. They took your husband away, a mix up with his official papers so you got on your bicycle. You rode nine miles to see him and of course you couldn’t free him. On your way home is when you took your nasty fall. You had a babe within,though you weren’t sure she was determined to be born, to be born of this world. Hiding there in your womb, though desperation did loom. To all this suffering there is an end. The night the lights go on in Holland dear, will be the night the light shines on us all, on us all. The night the lights go on in Holland dear, reminds that even tyrants rule then they fall, they fall. That’s when you learned to come together in the darkness and to save your tender parts for tender times. In the sky cigarettes and rations falling and the doctor he is calling, it is time. It is time. The night the lights came on in Holland dear, was the night your sweet baby was born. The night the lights went on in Holland dear. Reminds that even tyrants rule then they fall. And the there is hope, hope, hope for us all. The night the lights came on in Holland dear, was the night your sweet baby was born.
4.
Riverine 02:40
What am I made of? The clay where I came from The muck by the riverbed The carp when I speared him dead What did you teach me? Everything a little girl could see From my window, your silhouette The glass hadn’t shattered yet Riverine Riverine You made a killer You made a killer out of me Who do I love now? What are we dredging up? A child I still carry around The water it keeps rising up Riverine Riverine You made a killer You made a killer out of me Kitten’s out of the bag though Please say we're not our worst mistake That water it’s still lodged in my lungs River change it’s course What will it take? Riverine Riverine Riverine You made a woman You made a woman out of me
5.
STARTHROWERS 05:07
Door’s always open and the door’s always broken Don’t know how to fix it anyway We’ll welcome you in We’ll make you feel at home Even though we’ll never feel that way All things possible, nothing’s safe World’s can crumble in an instant Now you’re stuck here Just trying to survive In the house of the living When he who hung the moon goes away When he who hung the moon goes away It’s gonna be (it’s gonna be alright) It’s gonna be (there’s gonna be no tide for awhile) It’s gonna be, it’s gonna be just fine It’s gonna be Gonna be such a long dark night Put on your uniform, get to church And pray those questions no one hears Come on home, sing with you sisters Sing for your mother, dear Get down to the ocean You’ll see the light reflecting You better jump in and start swimming Now you’re stuck here Just trying to survive In the land of the living When he who hung the moon goes away When he who hung the moon goes away It’s gonna be (it’s gonna be alright) It’s gonna be (there’s gonna be no tide for awhile) It’s gonna be,, it’s gonna be just fine It’s gonna be Gonna be such a long dark night Before it's a bright bright day again Before you feel the sunshine on your face again But you’re going to feel the sunshine on your face again And it’s been such a long time since he went away Always close the the ache But you’re not afraid of the wave that breaks Anymore We are starthrowers We are ghost holders We are child growers We are both world knowers now We are starthrowers We are ghost holders We are child growers We are both world knowers now
6.
When I was a girl I went walking in the woods Dancing with my sisters and the salamanders Skinning both my knees and singing through the pain I called it paradise, yeah, I gave it that name We are bones, blood, saltwater, and song We bones, blood, saltwater, and song When I fell in love, it was to the drumming of the ocean Yeah you broke my heart wide open there And our love became, me combing your thin hair And taking such good care of the body you had left We are bones, blood, saltwater, and song We bones, blood, saltwater, and song Coming home from work to these children that we made And I’m singing them your song everyday Nearly lost my own voice just listening for your ghost But I know what i love, it’s what I’m going to miss the most We are bones, blood, saltwater, and song We bones, blood, saltwater, and song And i thought this cave of pain was gonna swallow me whole As the storm came threatening And I had to learn to live on the sliver of light from the cloud’s silver lining And I’m giving more than I’m getting just like the moss under my feet And I’m thinking that maybe I can shine just like it but We are bones, blood, saltwater, and song We bones, blood, saltwater, and song Now I’m holding this sweet babe, with my story in his bones And he’s swallowing the light and bubbling back to me I thought it was the story, I thought it was the song Now I know it’s the singing, it keeps saving me We are bones, blood, saltwater, and song We bones, blood, saltwater, and song
7.
Radium Girls 03:43
Busy in the backyard Growing basil, pluck tomatoes from the vine Simmer them soft make the gravy, feed the family at dinnertime When I was called to duty I fell in happily with my brave sisters on the line We painted so precisely the glowing dials on watches How delicate the face of time In a past life, we were radium girls And our hair used to glow From a different type of halo With all the good men overseas Silhouettes of smokestacks, girls in factories We found the undark in the work We tipped that brush onto our tongue Ingested tiny drops of poison Some of those girls painted their toes and fingernails To make their nights, light up like the day The brighter, the luminescence, the faster the decay When I looked down the line My sisters, disappearing, one by one, their bright faces gone Their crumbling jaws exposing, the ugliness of war How delicate the face of time In a past life, we were radium girls And our hair used to glow From a different type of halo With all the good men overseas But the death toll rising here Silhouettes of smokestacks and factories Why did I survive and is the poison buried deep inside my family’s bones And if I sing their sins Will you turn it into medicine Oh what will break the spell I wanna know In a past life we were radium girls And our hair used to glow From a different type of halo With all the good men over seas Silhouettes of smokestacks, ghosts in factories We were the light in darker days We tipped that brush onto our tongue We tried to keep you all so safe from harm
8.
Aunt Honey 03:50
My bonnie lies over the ocean, my bonnie lies over the sea My bonnie lies with another warm body, not beside me When I was born to this brightness, I ached for my mother’s heartbeat Now I’m wailing again like a baby, naked and sweet I’ll put on my fancy dresses, I wear my fancy hat I’ll dance at all the swell parties without him, how about that I fought so hard in the same war that led him to her Decoding all enemy secrets to use against them later I cared for a boy, a child, not my own Who’s mother’s heart stopped near the ocean And we’ll nurse our grief til it’s gone So come drink the honey I’ve been collecting for you I’ll share it just when you need it Like my kind do We do I’ll watch him long for his pretty mother I’ll make him smile, along with his brother I’ll hold him tight, and he’ll hold me back I’ll help him fight the battle in his heart the war in his head How can we know, what sweetness will come Or if it will come at all Who might it come from So come taste the honey I’ve been collecting for you I'll share it just when you need it Like my kind do We do Please don’t bring back my bonnie,but I wish you’d let that boy stay I’ve got my sister to cry with, his children, in the ocean they play Don’t you feel sorry for the old maid With all that heartache you can taste all the nectar I’ve saved So come drink the honey I’ve been collecting for you I’ll share it just when you need it Like my kind do We do
9.
I don’t know if I’m going to make it here I’ve got all this coming at me And it’s feeding all my fears Every story in the newspaper Every advertisement on the screen They don’t look or act like me Or at least not who I want to be I want to run from it all I want to try to disappear But a still small voice is keeping me here Maybe I’m a love warrior Love Warrior Maybe I’m a love warrior I’m so hungry from always starving myself Of everything I know I need Of who I’m really meant to be What if I’m the one That I’ve been waiting for All this crying on the bathroom floor Oh that tile feels so nice and cool What if every miracle Starts just like this With all of this unlearning A reckoning What if I’m a love warrior Love Warrior What if I’m a love warrior Now I’m finding all these words Just like prayers that were meant for me Little whispers in my little ear ‘Til it’s my own voice that I hear I’m thinking maybe If I can do the next right thing Oh, just what is right in front of me, sister Maybe I was born just for this then First the revelation, then the revolution First the pain and waiting Then the Rising I am a love warrior Love Warrior I am a love warrior And if we’re gonna rise up We’re going to do it laughing and singing We’re going to do it dancing and howling With our wolf-pack Through this brutiful life And if there is so such thing There is no such thing as “other people’s” children Then there is no such thing as other people’s fathers and mothers And sisters and brother’s Aren’t we all son and daughters and everything in between We belong to each other We can do hard things together We are love warriors We are love warriors Love Warriors We are love warriors First the revelation Then the revolution First the pain and waiting Then the rising
10.
Maybe the earth is turning From the women All their yearning Maybe the throats that hummed us All to life Will sing the words Murmurations in the sky Change direction, feathers glide The canaries in the mine They will fly out right on time When the smoke clears From the flame That’s been burning this old game We’ve been playing for so long Now it’s time to Walk Each Other Home With all the songs and stories Lived but untold With all the love been given Spinning poison to gold With all the babes cries answered And the sick ones taken care of Ancestors prayers all answered By the earth we’ve walked upon Murmurations in the sky Change direction, feathers glide The canaries in the mine They will fly out right on time When the smoke clears From the flame That’s been burning this old game We’ve been playing for so long Now it’s time to Walk Each Other Home With all the mycelium connecting the trees And all the branches reaching The sky for us to breathe With all the black holes spawning The stars all along And all the light within us Finally being shown Shown Maybe the earth is turning From the women All their yearning Maybe the throats that hummed us All to life Will sing the words Murmurations in the sky Change direction, feathers glide The canaries in the mine They will fly out right on time

about

STARTHROWERS is a memoir in song paying homage to caretakers and anyone brave enough to show kindness and love in this bruitful world.

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released March 24, 2023

Produced by NekterGun
All songs written by Shannon Hawley

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Shannon Hawley New Jersey

Shannon Hawley is a singer-songwriter and healer.

Her album STARTHROWERS is a memoir in song paying homage to women and caretakers doing the invisible, often overlooked work of love. With a clear voice and deep New Jersey roots, Shannon alternates between the anthemic and the understated, across themes of grief and praise, our relationships to our history, the natural world, and to each other. ... more

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